


Sleepytime

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Generic Post Sburb AU, Somnophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-17
Updated: 2013-03-17
Packaged: 2017-12-05 15:38:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/724932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After all the stress of the game, Jade's narcolepsy returns in earnest, not that there aren't a few ways to work around that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleepytime

Dave scuffed his way up the cinema steps, large popcorn in one hand, large soda in the other. Just ahead of him was Jade, paying absolutely no attention to the numbers on the aisles or their tickets. He wore just jeans and a t-shirt, nothing flash. She wore a green v-neck top and a simple black skirt, along with a white beanie to conceal her canine ears. It was the last showing of a movie that had well and truly tanked, and more than enough room for the eight or so people attending to sit wherever the hell they liked. As such, Jade led him up a number of steps from the landing, right to the center of the center, X marks the spot if you look down from the ceiling and tilt your head a bit and allow for the fact that, obviously enough, there’s no seats in the walkways that are forming this X. 

Once there Dave sat down, slotted his food into the arm rests, and put his sneakers up on the empty chair in front of him. Beside him, Jade relived herself of her own load- a large soda of her own, a bag of chocolates (at this point Dave was sure she always ate some wherever possible solely to rub in the fact that he’d ran out of ‘chocolate isn’t good for dogs’ jokes), and tucked neatly between her rather hefty breasts was a pair of vanilla ice-cream cones. His hands now free, Dave helped himself to one, slipping his hand a bit deeper into her cleavage than strictly necessary before extracting the fast-warming desert. She giggled, and once her own hands were free leaned over and planted a playful peck on his cheek.

Cool it hot stuff, if we get started now we’ll miss everything.

Dave gave a noncommittal ‘meh’ and considered teasing her neck a little, but decided to keep his hands to himself for now. Not that they were ever short of an excuse to fool around, but he was genuinely curious about this movie. The pair had shown up fashionably late, which in terms of movie screenings meant expertly timed to miss all the commercials and sit down when the logos of all the big companies that had made the thing happen were busy showboating for attention. Judging from the trailers, the movie was about some samurai gunman, weathered but not grizzled, shutting down the organ trafficking conducted by the Inuit mafia on a Russian ghetto space station. It looked like it had roughly half the special effects budget of Robocop, but from just the trailer he could see the director could work that budget good, real good. When you ask life for lemons and it gives you a log, you put that log by your empty lemonade stand and you give passer-by’s the evil eye while telling them ‘the log does not judge’. If you can’t keep it real, crank it surreal. 

After taking a long, pensive sip of his drink, Dave fished a pen out of his pocket and scribbled that last line on the popcorn carton. It needed a bit of tweaking, but he could probably make it work in a fresh beat some place or another. Finally, he settled into his chair and propped up his shades so he could see clearly.

About twenty minutes into the film, Dave was convinced it had all the potential to become a long-standing cult classic. Its marketing had consisted of a single nineteen second trailer shown only on youtube, and a single lowest-bid poster with just the film’s name, but it just needed to be found. The score was some absurd mix between Blade Runner’s aloof synth and frenetic Benny Hill-ish tunes. The cinematography had left him with a mild case of dissociation. As for the acting, it was that ripe suckling ham glazed in honey that was every last star, supporting, and extra believing with all their heart that this was their big break, and only if they act hard enough some talent agents will whisk them away to the big leagues of ten figure pay checks. It was Hamlet, where Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, Ophelia, her father, the maids, and even the stage hands were all the prince of Denmark. There’s acting and there’s acting, and this was acting turned up to eleven. Yes, the film had potential, but it just needed to be found. It needed a push from just one guy, a guy with a blog, and Dave Strider ran that blog.

Dave turned to convey some of this to Jade but stopped himself at the state of her. She sat face down in their tub of popcorn, a single kernel slowly sucked towards then blown away from her mouth as she breathed. Well, he couldn’t blame her. Between having a troll messing around in her head for years, the game, the three year journey, having another troll mess around in her head in a different way, beating the game, and then suddenly being thrust into civilization she’d never truly been a part of before, something in the girl had just snapped. Some folks go mad when that little bit of them gives way, some go full postal; Jade Harley had her once artificially induced narcolepsy become not so artificially induced. It had been a bit of a strain on their relationship at first, Dave didn’t even have her deranged dreambot to occupy him, and some of her narcoleptic fits (was ‘fits’ the right word? Or were they more episodes?) could last for over an hour. Of course Jade, cheery, passionate, not quite in touch with the world Jade had, before the relationship had even gotten than physical, made a suggestion-

If you ever get bored while I’m off in another spell, why not just entertain yourself with the rest of my body? There’s no problem if you have permission beforehand, right? So just go ahead and do whatever.

He’d protested that it seemed unfair, her missing out on nearly half their sex life. She’d replied by regaling some of the dreams she’d had from falling asleep with a vibrator still inside her. It wouldn’t be missing out on her end either.

Carefully, Dave held her head up while he removed the popcorn from her lap and placed it on the floor. Then he raised the armrest separating them and gently lowered her head to his lap. He took a quick glance about, but none of the cinema’s few occupants had a clear view of them, nor any reason to look away from the screen. He could always do the same himself, just let her nap away and enjoy the rest of the film, but after fooling around with her sleeping body so many times the sight of her snoozing face caused a, what was that word Rose liked so much? Pavlovian, that’s it. It caused a three tier pavlovian in his pants, with more than plenty of ripe fruit and whipped cream to share. 

To begin with, he just slipped one hand under her shirt, tugged down her bra and let one hefty breast spill into his palm. The soft flesh bulged slightly between his fingers, and with a little experimental clenching he identified the slightly different feel of her nipple where it pressed against the base of his thumb. He adjusted his hold and gently stroked circles around the nub until he felt it harden. That seemed to be enough fooling around for now as his own hardening felt like it was about to split itself trying to break free of his pants. While his one hand slowly untangled its way from her cushiony pillows, his other fumbled with the button and fly on his jeans. Finally, he broke free, and with a quick tug on his boxers he stood free and exposed in the warm cinema air. Again Dave glanced around, double checking their more-or-less privacy. Probably no one would care if they saw him groping his girlfriend, but there was something about a penis that tended to get strangers to call security. No sense of fun, some people.

While his penis enjoyed its newfound freedom, Dave brushed his thumb across Jade’s full, pout lips. They easily parted, and he gently opened her mouth as wide as her slack muscles would allow. Her tongue lolled out a little. Carefully, he repositioned her head, until her tongue was brushing against the tip of his glans. She could do a lot of damage with her teeth, he knew that first hand, but so far she’d never bitten anything of his off, asleep or awake. Besides, who ever heard of a god that actually remained dickless? Well, apart from that one Egyptian dude, and he was pretty high up the holy hierarchy, so it wasn’t like some cruel joke played on some lowly sucker.

Dave chased such thoughts from his head and slowly relaxed his grip on Jade’s head, feeling her soft lips slip bit by bit down his length. He hissed inwards, trying not to vocalise just how good it felt. Jade tended to drool a bit in her sleep, and it meant her mouth was always moist as snug as could be. He lowered her head as far as he dared without upsetting her gag reflex and held her there a moment, relishing the warmth of her mouth and the way her hot breath tickled in just the right way. Then he slowly lifted her head back up, and in her sleep he felt her gently start to suck, not wanting to be deprived of her mouth’s playing. Per demand Dave lowed her back down his shaft, a bit quicker this time, causing her to voice some unpronounced, happy thing from deep within her throat. Encouraged, Dave bobbed her head a little quicker; his eyes clenched shut behind the shades that had fallen back onto his face from his brow. He’d been a bit pent up the past few days, and it didn’t take long for him to blow his load. Hot spunk hit the back of Jade’s throat, causing her to twitch slightly. With one hand he rubbed two fingers up and down her throat, making sure she swallowed rather than choked or anything. With a few more spurts he was done, for now, and tucked his softening prick back into his pants before letting Jade resume her sleep on his lap.

About fifteen minutes later Jade awoke, sitting up in one languid movement and smacking her lips pensively. 

Sleep well?

Dave faced the screen head on as he spoke, lest he look at her and catch that contagious dopy grin of hers.

Not at all, someone kept revving my engine, but never actually went anywhere.

But there was no venom behind her voice, just good natured teasing, and she entwined her fingers in his. Dave was thankful the cinema was so dark, because despite how long they’d been dating, no matter what sorts of depraved, decadent things they did together; it was just plain embarrassing that she could still make him blush like a choir girl just by holding his hand. Then she pulled on his hand, and placed it between her slightly spread thighs. 

Well I’m all revved up now, how about Mr. So-cool pops a wheelie?

She broke down into giggles at her own joke, her hair tossed about by the movements, and when Dave pushed aside her panties to work two fingers into her slit that only served to enhance her good humor, rather than detract from it. 

This is a very serious moment in the movie, you know.

Dave put on his best hipster film critic voice, curled his finger upwards and rocked his palm against her clit. She bit down on her lip, still grinning, showing off her two front teeth.

All the foreshadowing with the paper butterflies has been leading up to this confrontation on the outside of the space station with the secret stealth bomber. If he wins, he’s earned his stings, if he loses, he dies just another cocoon.

B-butterflies don’t have stings.

She gasped, struggling to neither laugh nor moan.

It’s an elaborate Mohammed Ali reference. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Although whoever did the script seems to have attributed it to the actual prophet Mohammed, so there’s this weird mix of Islam and Pro Boxing symbolism everywhere.

You got all, oh, that, while you were fucking my mouth?

She gripped his forearm like he might seriously just stop with her half-finished, her eyes lidded and fluttering.

Jade, I could be sucking fifty dicks and still keep perfect track of any film worth watching.

Hot.

With a quiet murmur she threw her head back and clenched her thighs. Once she relaxed, he pulled his hand out, a long thin string of girlcum trailing from his fingertips to her still twitching pussy. Then a moment later it snapped, the line between them severed, and Dave popped his sticky fingers into his mouth greedily. 

You got me all over the popcorn.

Jade giggles again, pointing at the half eaten tub now glistening with a thin sheen of her juices, having dripped down from Dave’s hand while he’d held it. Dave picked the box up and Jade helped herself to a handful. Idly, he wondered if the thick, embracing smell of sex was wafting up the aisles to where the other patrons could recognize it. Then he put that thought aside, and watched the rest of the movie.

 

Some time later, and after stopping for grilled sausages at Jade’s insistence, the couple made it back to their apartment. It was a pretty good size, and room thirteen on the fourth floor. Though Dave chipped in, most of it was paid for by Jade’s various patents and occasional consulting jobs as an expert physicist. She was a literal god of space and all its laws, but they didn’t have a diploma for that so she just had a doctorate like everyone else. As for Dave, he was a not-quite-renaissance man pursuing a not-quite-career in not-quite-what-everyone-considered-art. Dave slumped into the couch with a bottle of AJ and his laptop, ready to write out an eye-catching review to put that surreal little samurai on the map. He was holding himself back. Everyone else knew it, but didn’t say anything out of politeness. Even he knew it, and didn’t say anything because what was there to say? Yes, there are plenty of things I’m good at which I make a point not to do, because it’s already Dirk’s thing, or if not Dirk, Davesprite, or if not Davesprite, the other Dave, the dead one that got triple-shanked twice by sea Hitler in some corner of the old universe. Dirk had his robotics and his parodies. Davesprite had his music and the webcomic medium. The Dave of future’s past had his movies. Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff was creatively bankrupt until one of them came up with a truly revolutionary way to breathe new life into it. Where did that leave him? He was a man with a blog, a thing for photography, a penchant for dead things, a knack for rhymes, impeccable timing, and a whole lot of practice at making people uncomfortable for laughs. Dave scratched the neck of one of the many crows scattered about the living room. What did all those things add up to? Dave wasn’t sure, but it was slowly coalescing into something else, of that he was sure. Whatever it was,

Dave was snapped out of his thoughts by a quick series of soft thumps from the other room. Startled, the crow at his side flew off to re-join its fellows. Some days he didn’t even really see the crows, just interacted with them like he would any other bit of furniture. Jade didn’t mind them, except when she did, and speaking of Jade, it occurred to Dave that noise had come from the bedroom. Setting his laptop and AJ aside, he got to his feet.

In the bedroom Dave found Jade on the floor, her skirt hitched up and her panties pulled half down, while her beanie and black bra teetered precariously over the edge of the bed. Her round glasses had been placed on the bedside table. 

Of all the times to switch off, you went full sleepyhead while changing.

Dave tutted and, hooking his arms under hers, lifted Jade from where she’d fallen. With a short heave he moved her on to the bed.

May as well finish the job then.

He hooked his thumbs in the panty’s bands and slid it off, tossing the undergarment in the laundry basket in the corner. Her bare backside stared up at him, and he gave it a friendly squeeze. Next he slid off her dress, followed by the green top once he sat her up. Once she was de-clothed, he tilted her head, kissed her, and held his girlfriend like that for a while; naked in his arms, one finger idly playing with her dark bush. What to do now, he wondered, and lifted up one of her arms to prop her head up with it as if in thought. He smiled and took his shades off. He might as well finish the job. 

Hold tight sleeping beauty, your fairy godmother will find you a gown for the ball quick as lightning.

He carefully laid her back down on her bed and stood, frowning.

Or should that be godfather? Is this some sort of magic fairy mafia? Then there’s the whole ‘call me daddy’ thing that always gave me bad vibes. That just seems kinda creepy. This is coming from the guy who’s been cordially invited to fuck his girlfriend’s hot butt whenever her brain skips town.

The sound of his own voice alone in the apartment sounded silly to Dave’s ears, so he shut up and opened the closet. First he took out a shoebox from the bottom, and placed it by the bed. Then he briskly leafed through the hanging garments, considering and comparing until settled on something that took his mood; a cute black and blue dress that went more out that down, and a pair of kneesocks to go with it.

With good cheer and methodical movements, Dave sat Jade up, moved her arms this way and that, and got her into the dress. She stirred not once in all the shuffling, her body slack and freely manipulated whichever way he wanted. After the dress came the socks, which took almost as much effort as every few inches they never failed to find some other crook or curve of her shapely legs to get caught on. Finally, his handiwork was done. He laid Jade back down on the bed, brushed her fringe back, and kissed her again. Her lips were soft, cool, and seemed to be trembling a little. He made his way back to the thermostat and flicked the heat up a few degrees before returning to the bed. Jade still showed no signs of stirring. With a shrug, Dave slid his own clothes off, standing naked and heavily aroused in the middle of the room. He sat down on the bed, took Jade’s hand, and moved it so it clumsily groped her own breast. His groin begged for attention.

There was no denying Dave had gotten used to the peculiarity of the relationship a bit quicker than most might have. The way his heart ached and his arousal burned at the sight of Jade’s sleeping face was a bit more explicable than he liked to admit. Three times while dressing her he thought it might overwhelm him, burn him up on the spot, yet still he remained. 

He didn’t like to admit it to himself, but he had discussed it with Rose. He discussed everything with his ectosister, most of which to her grievance. As for his current predicament, her explanation had been simple. You don’t grow up surrounded by puppets as sex symbols and just come away completely normal. Actual puppets still freaked him out something chronic, but, and he stroked Jade’s cheek at the thought, a person so deep in slumber that they can’t be awoken, it hit just the right sweet spot of both person and puppet-like to override everything.

With a slight tug the top of her dress pulled down, setting Jade’s bounteous breasts free. He caught them, pressed them together, taking the time to marvel at how blemish free her skin was. Between each thumb and forefinger he took her pronounced nipples and slowly applied pressure, stopping at where she gasped within her sleep. A hand went between her thighs and methodically traced up and down her slit, pressing into her folds and circling her clit until he could feel the heat of her arousal radiating against his hand.

Dave stood, and pulled her sleeping body by the legs towards him. Being pulled across the bed like that dragged her skirt up, fully exposing her dark, curly thatch and engorged pussy. Jade whimpered needily, too deep in sleep to do anything about her mounting arousal. He let her suffer a little while longer. He opened the shoebox by the bed and took out two things. The first was a bottle of lube, and the second was an egg vibrator, no label on it, Jade Harley made her own toys. He unscrewed the cap and squeezed lube over the vibe. Once it was slicked up, he slid it down, past her taint, and pressed it against the opening of her other hole. It resisted at first, but a few more seconds of constant pressure and the egg slipped into her ass, her anus clenching shut behind it. Taking his dick in hand, Dave teased her pussy just long enough for her to whimper again, and took his cue to thrust into her. She was burning hot inside, and clamped down on reflex at the intrusion, but a few moments passed and she relaxed, letting him rock in and out of her. Her heavy breasts rolled back and forth across her chest like two great pendulums. He grabbed them again with both hands, and gently tugged on her pointed nipples. He fucked her at such a slow, relaxed pace; he thought he might lull himself to sleep with it. However a few strokes later a deeper, more immediate fire lit up, he flicked the dial at the end of the wire, bringing the vibe inside Jade to life so suddenly she yelped in her sleep, and his pace quickened. He thrust harder and harder into her tight confines, the wet slapping of their union filling the air. He raced for the line and sang her name, holding still as he planted the first jet of spunk within her, then switching to short, rapid thrusts to draw out the stimulation. 

Once Dave felt himself begin to soften he pulled out, his cocky sticky with her juices and his. He climbed up onto the bed and, with a bit of positioning, placed his dick between her thick, yielding mammaries. With his girlfriend’s breasts Dave cleaned himself, wiping away the sticky juices of their mingling into her cleavage. Then, he was just wiping away, enjoying a drawn out tit fuck as he waited to see if she would wake up yet. When he was fully hard again, and Jade still fast asleep, Dave hopped off the bed without a sound.

Not too roughly, he turned Jade over, so her knee-sock covered legs stuck over the edge of the bed, and her bare ass jutted out into the air. Gently, he spread her cheeks, and teased her asshole with his finger until she started to relax. With a quick tug on the wire sticking out of her, the egg vibe came free with a pop and a whir. With one finger in constant tease of her asshole, Dave crouched down and dropped the egg back into the shoebox, before taking out something else. This vibe, also of Harley design, bore a more iconic phallic shape. Keeping it at the ready, he took up the bottle of lube and lathered it generously up and down his erect shaft. The gel was cold, but not unpleasing, though it made him wish he had somewhere warm to stick it. Once he was well lubed up, Dave wiped the rest still on his fingers into Jade’s puckered asshole, and almost surprised himself at how easily he slid in to the last knuckle. He pulled his finger out, and took up position behind her, his cock placed between her cushiony cheeks. He turned on the dildo vibe, slipped it into her still dripping pussy, and then thrust into her. 

He stopped himself crying out at first, then decided ‘fuck it, it’s a free country’ and let loose, an incoherent, babbling stream of praise and adoration. Jade’s ass was so much tighter than her pussy, it squeezed down all at once but with so much lube there was no unpleasant friction, just all this pressure coming down from all directions. He seized her fertile hips and yanked her towards him to meet every thrust. Her gasps came in short and squeaky. Her canine ears twitches against her head and her legs tried to kick but Dave held them still. He caught sight of the dildo half about to fall out of her, so seized it and jammed it back in. ‘I’m fucking the world’ He thought incoherently. ‘all of space’ and in that moment of delirium he tipped over the edge. His load burned its way out his body and plunged far into Jade. Again and again, he launched ropes of his seem-boiling semen as deep into his girlfriend as he could. He kept going, as long as he could, until finally the last of his seed was spent and his exhaustion caught up with him. Dave slipped out of Jade, and teetered before falling face first into the bed beside her. He opened one eye, and saw a cheery green one looking right back at him.

Sleep well?

Oh my god, you bet.

After a bit of lazy reshuffling, Dave lay spread eagle on his back, watching as Jade cleaned his penis with her mouth in great plentiful licks.

Doesn’t that bother you? I mean, I know you keep clean and all, but still, that was up your ass.

She was almost done when he asked her question. She seemed to ponder it as she gave his length one last slurp before sitting up with a shrug.

It’s a dog thing. Hey! Wanna see if I can lick my own butt?

With a sudden grin, Jade lifted her leg and bent her head around as close towards her crotch as it could go, her tongue sticking out like a giraffe trying for that topmost leaf. Dave burst out laughing.

If he could only love her while she slept, well he’d probably hate himself for it, but asleep or awake she was still strange and beautiful.


End file.
